Fic Wars, Parody I (The Phantom Narrator)
by Lautrec Luvers
Summary: {Written by Alli}: Chapter Three! Chapter Three!: Munear-the-Cheese and Spice Attacks "Wig-Wearer: *In a messed up accent* Hello. My name is Munear Chrome. I’m a gardener. Boba: Munear? You mean the cheese?"
1. Independant Speeders, the Head Hunt and ...

Fic Wars, Parody I (The Phantom Narrator)  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Just a little note: The Character 'Hunni' is really Alli, choosing to use her alter-ego name.  
  
A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, well, alright it was present day Montmarte, and – hey wait a second! If it's present day then why am I talking about it like it's in the past and it already happened? *pauses* What do you mean it did already happen? *shakes head* Crazy…  
  
So anyways, not long ago in present day Montmarte *snickers*, two girls sat inside the Moulin Rouge dressing room reading an English-French dictionary, although they were both in French class!  
  
Erin: Who is this? You sound like my French teacher!  
  
But I am your French teacher.  
  
Hunni: Madame Girin! Heeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyy!  
  
Erin: CoughSuckupCough!  
  
Hunni: Bounjour. Ca va bien? (Hello. How are you?)  
  
What? Actually, I was just kidding. I'm no French teacher! Stop talking to me! I haven't introduced you yet. You two aren't in the story yet!  
  
Erin: BUT WE SHOULD BE! Honestly, who hired you as the narrator?  
  
Suddenly, Annie appears.  
  
Annie: It's the hard knock life for us! It's the hard knock life for us!  
  
Erin: What the hell?!  
  
Hunni: *laughing*  
  
Whoops. Sorry. I meant Anni.  
  
Annie: You mean I can't be in the fic?  
  
No! Wait, you already are. But-  
  
Annie: YAY!  
  
*grinning evilly* Suddenly Annie is eaten alive by a monster with sharp…pointy…teeth!  
  
Annie: *Eaten alive by a little white rabbit*  
  
Neo comes running in after the rabbit.  
  
Erin: So…where's the monster?  
  
Hunni: There *points*.  
  
Erin: What, behind the rabbit?  
  
Hunni: No! It is the rabbit!  
  
Erin: Really?  
  
Hunni: I dunno. God damn script! Making us afraid of a rabbit…*mutters* Honestly! A rabbit that-  
  
Then the rabbit bites Hunni's head off and runs away. Neo is still following.  
  
Neo: Why do I *pant* have to run after *pant* some dumb white *pant* rabbit? That damn Morpheus is a *pant* sick fuck. *runs away*  
  
Hunni: *Has no head*  
  
Erin: Hunni?  
  
But since we still need the main characters, Hunni gets her head back and comes back to life.  
  
Hunni: *Read the above* Yay! I have a head!  
  
Erin: Hey this reminds me: New ending to star wars! *pretends to be dead*  
  
Anni and Obi: Did somebody say Star Wars?  
  
Hunni: How'd you get here?  
  
Erin: Yea. The narrator never said you two appeared.  
  
*Snoring* Whups. Sorry guys. Just then, Anni appears.  
  
Obi: Hi.  
  
Anni: Hi.  
  
Hunni: *drools*  
  
Erin: *drools*  
  
Obi…I never introduced you…  
  
Obi: Yea…and…?  
  
GET OUT!!!  
  
Obi: Why?  
  
Because I said so.  
  
Obi: So?  
  
Erin: He said 'so' too!  
  
Hunni: So did you!  
  
Erin: So did you!  
  
Hunni: You just said 'so' too!  
  
Erin: So what?  
  
Anni: I know how to sew…heh heh heh…  
  
Everyone: …  
  
Crickets: *chirp*chirp*chirp*  
  
And the annoying silence is thrown into the trash.  
  
Erin: Can she do that?  
  
Hunni: She's the narrator…I guess so.  
  
Erin: But how can you throw out a sound? *confused*  
  
Obi: So anyways, back to my argument. Wait – what was my argument?  
  
Erin: *whispering* About her telling you to leave.  
  
Obi: Oh yea!  
  
Anakin: Jedi are stupid.  
  
Hunni: *nudges Anni* You just dissed yourself, ya kno?  
  
Anakin: Ya kno?  
  
Hunni: Yea. Ya kno.  
  
Anakin: I do?  
  
Erin: *Yawn* That's what she says.  
  
Anakin: Ok then, you're right. *long pause* What's a 'dissed'?  
  
Hunni: *faints*  
  
Erin: OH MY GOD! SHE'S FALLING!!! GET THE SPEEDER AND SAVE HER!!!  
  
Hunni: Since when am I falling?  
  
Hunni is falling.  
  
Hunni: *falls and hits the ground*  
  
Erin: NOOO! I meant she was falling like in the Coruscant chase scene!  
  
Anakin: Speeders are cool…  
  
Hunni is falling in Coruscant like the chase scene.  
  
Erin: OH NOOO!!!! ANAKIN! GET THE SPEEDER!!!!  
  
There is no speeder.  
  
Erin: OH MY GOD! THERE'S NO SPEEDER! Hurry up! Make one!  
  
And then there was a speeder.  
  
Hunni: *falling* How did I get here? Weren't we in Montmarte? *Just realizes she's falling* AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Erin: *Grabs Anakin and drags him into the speeder*  
  
Obi: Why can't I come?  
  
Erin: You hate flying.  
  
Hunni: *Falling*  
  
Anakin and Erin zoom off in the speeder.  
  
Anakin and Erin: ZOOOM!!!  
  
The speeder whizzes past everything.  
  
Speeder: WHIZZ!!!  
  
Suddenly, the speeder stops.  
  
Speeder: WHIZZ!!!  
  
Ahem! Suddenly, the speeder stops.  
  
Speeder: WHIZZ!!!  
  
Oy! Speeder! STOP!  
  
Erin: I think we just passed Hunni.  
  
Anakin: Who'se Hunni?  
  
Erin: Kill me now.  
  
So Anakin pulls out his lightsaber and-  
  
Erin: NOT literally!  
  
Nevermind.  
  
Speeder: STOPS!  
  
Erin: Why did we stop? We just drove past Hunni. Come on, Anakin! Drive back and get her!  
  
Anakin: *shakes head*  
  
Erin: Why…?  
  
Anakin: I can't fly a speeder!  
  
Erin: You did in the movie.  
  
Anakin: *shakes head* You thought that was me? *laughs* That was my stunt double!  
  
Erin: My god you're stupid.  
  
But then the speeder magically appears right underneath Hunni, who lands in the backseat.  
  
Hunni: *lands in the backseat*  
  
Erin: How'd you do that?  
  
(  
  
Anakin: I can sew.  
  
And then the speeder magically appears back on the ground.  
  
Speeder: *appears back on the ground*  
  
Obi: So, narrator, we still have an argument to finish!  
  
Hunni: Oy…*Rubs head*  
  
Erin: HEAD! A HEAD!  
  
Jango Fett runs in, chased by Boba Fett.  
  
Mace Windu comes running after them.  
  
Mace: And now it's time for everyone's favorite game: Find the Head!  
  
Hunni: There's lots of heads…  
  
Mace: No! Find HIS head! *points to Jango*  
  
Jango and Boba Fett stop running.  
  
Erin: …His head's right there…*Points to Jango's head, attached to his shoulders*  
  
Mace: *Chops off Jango's head*Laughs evilly* Not anymore!  
  
Erin: OH MY GOD! It's going to roll away!  
  
Jango's head rolls away.  
  
Mace: Ok! Now find the head!  
  
Obi: Oh heady heady heady head  
  
Anakin: A head! A head! A heady head!  
  
Erin: Oh, heady heady heady head!  
  
Hunni: That went wherever I…did goooooo…  
  
Boba: Oh, it was an ugly head.  
  
Obi: That went wherever I…did goooooo…  
  
Hunni: Look in it's trunk!  
  
Erin: Yea…the sofa!  
  
Anakin: What's a 'sofa'?  
  
Mace: Uh, your mom!  
  
Boba: *Running around, dragging Obi by the head* I found it! I found daddy's head!  
  
Mace: Nice try, Boba, but that's Obi-Wan's head.  
  
Boba: No it isn't!  
  
Obi-Wan: Yes it is!  
  
Qui-Gon: MY BODY IS FRIKKIN BURNING!  
  
Hunni: Hey! You're not supposed to be here!  
  
Erin: Maybe he knows where Jango's head is.  
  
But little did they know, the narrator knew where the head was.  
  
Obi: Umm, actually, we DO know who knows where the head is…  
  
Huh?  
  
Anakin: You just said you knew! Just because I'm dumb doesn't mean I'm stupid!  
  
Hunni: Yes it is! *Hits Anakin*  
  
Anakin: Bully.  
  
I was just kidding. How am I supposed to know where the head is?  
  
Obi: Can't you just make it appear or something?  
  
The rules of Find the Head state very clearly that no narrator can find the head.  
  
Obi: Oh.  
  
Erin: OH MY GOD!  
  
Hunni: *Jumps a mile high* What is it?! Did you find the head?  
  
Boba: *slithering by* And it went wherever I…did goooooo…  
  
Erin: No, but I found something else!  
  
Hunni: What is it?  
  
Erin: A note!  
  
Hunni is not excited.  
  
Hunni: Oh.  
  
The two girls read the note.  
  
'To whoever finds this note,  
  
S.O.S.! While studying polar bears in northern Canada, my Canadian buddy and I have been captured by the polar bears. I don't know how much longer I can survive. They've taken us to a secret cave! S.O.S.! I repeat! S.O.S.!'  
  
Erin: How'd he have time to write this note if he was getting captured?  
  
Hunni: OH MY GOD! S.O.S.! Do you know what this means?  
  
Erin: Yea. It means, wait- no, that's not it. Hmm…I dunno.  
  
Hunni: S.O.S…. SAUCE! Oh, Erin! The polar bears are hungry! They're gonna eat this man with sauce!  
  
Erin: Hey, there's a P.S.  
  
The two girls read the P.S.  
  
'P.S.: To find Jango's head, try looking in the Mirror of Ttef Ognaj.'  
  
Erin: The mirror of Ttef Oganj! Of course! Why didn't I think of that?! *Pauses* What's the mirror of Ttef Oganj.  
  
Hunni: Dunno. Let's go ask Yoda.  
  
Erin: Nah! Too hard to understand. How 'bout Miss Cleo?  
  
Hunni: Sure! Why not?  
  
Somewhere else, Obi-Wan, Anakin and Boba were looking for Jango's head. Well, it was more like Anakin and Boba were looking for Jango's head while Obi-Wan was un-intentionally making a commercial.  
  
Obi: One…  
  
Anakin: Is that Jango's head?  
  
Boba: No, that's a bush.  
  
Anakin: Is that Jango's head?  
  
Obi: Two…  
  
Boba: No, that's an alligator.  
  
Obi: Three…  
  
Anakin: Is that Jango's head?  
  
Boba: No, that's the empire state building.  
  
Obi: Four…  
  
Anakin: Is that Jango's head?  
  
Boba: No, that's a violin.  
  
Obi: Five…  
  
Anakin: Head?  
  
Boba: Strawberry.  
  
Anakin: Head?  
  
Obi: Six…  
  
Boba: Ceiling Fan.  
  
Anakin: Head?  
  
Boba: …My foot…  
  
Obi: *CRUNCH!!!*  
  
Anakin and Boba: ?  
  
Obi: God Damnit! This fucking piece of shit! *Continues to curse*  
  
Anakin: What's wrong, Master?  
  
Obi: After all these years I've NEVER been able to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop. I always bit at six!  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Who is this mysterious letter-writer? Will anyone ever find Jango's head? What is the mirror of Ttef Oganj? Will the narrator's identity be revealed? Will Obi-Wan and the Narrator ever finish their argument? Does Anakin really know how to sew? What kind of sauce do the polar bears plan to use? Will our heroes (Hunni and Erin: HEROINES!), ahem, heroines save the day? (Hunni: Hee hee hee…sounds like heroin) Will Obi-Wan find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? And what about the English-French Dictionary? If this parody turns out right, these questions will probably be answered later on, SO DON'T ASK ME!!! 


	2. Trains, deja vu, Lost High-Five Utensils...

Fic Wars, Parody I (The Phantom Narrator)  
  
Chapter 2 – Trains and Lost High-Five Utensils  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
It is chapter two and we find out heroes and heroines (Hunni: I WANT A FUCKING HIT!) had been searching for five minutes and still there was no sign of Jango's head.  
  
Erin: I'm bored.  
  
Hunni: I want a fucking hit!  
  
Just as things were about to get boring when some channel four reporter comes in.  
  
Reporter: *Fixes her hair* How's my hair? Hey! Where am I?  
  
Erin: You're umm…here…?  
  
Hunni: *Sitting on the ground hugging her knees and rocking back and forth* I want a fucking hit!  
  
Reporter: *Pulls a Hermione* Pleasure. So, can I have a word? *Sticks microphone in Erin's face*  
  
Erin: Sure. Moo.  
  
Reporter: Ok…how 'bout you? *turns to Hunni* You look like you want to be on TV!  
  
Hunni: *Non-understandable mumbling*  
  
Reporter: Can I have a word? What's it like looking for a head?  
  
Hunni: YOU FUCKING WANKER! Get me a fucking hit or get your sorry arse out!  
  
Erin: Arse? *Pokes Hunni* Are we Scottish?  
  
Hunni: Are we black?  
  
Erin: No, we are not black.  
  
Hunni: Then yes, we are Scottish.  
  
Reporter: Right…  
  
Erin: Narrator, she's bugging me! Make her go away!  
  
And the reporter dies.  
  
Reporter: *dead*  
  
Hunni: Oy, narrator! Can ya give me a fucking hit?  
  
No can do, sorry. It says in the rule book that I can't give out any drugs.  
  
Hunni: mumblegrumble *rocks back and forth*  
  
Erin: So…  
  
Hunni: *Screams bloody murder*  
  
There's a baby on the ceiling – wait, we're outside. How can there be a ceiling? *shrug* Whatever, ok then…there's a baby crawling, uh, in a tree.  
  
Erin: The baby crawling in the tree!  
  
Hunni: *Scream*  
  
Erin: *Hits Hunni*  
  
Hunni: *All better now*  
  
Suddenly, the two girls (Hunni: HEROINES!!!!), geez! The two HEROINES find themselves at a train station.  
  
Hunni and Erin: *Sit down and watch as the trains go by.  
  
Right behind them, Obi, Anni and Boba also find the train station.  
  
The Guyz: Hey.  
  
The heroines: Hey.  
  
Obi: Whatcha doing?  
  
Erin: *shrug* Trainspotting.  
  
Obi: Wow…deja vu. Can I spot the trains with you?  
  
Boba: *slithering* And it went…wherever I…did goooooo…  
  
Erin: Sure why not.  
  
Obi sits down and spots the trains. Soon after, Boba and Anni sit down too. Then Mace appears.  
  
Mace: So, how's the head hunt going? Ha ha! Head hunt! Get it? Ha ha ha…  
  
Crickets: *Chirp*Chirp*Chirp*  
  
*Throws the silence away*  
  
Erin: Hey! Narrator did it again!  
  
Hunni: Well, she's the narrator. She can do things.  
  
Anakin: A joke! He made a joke! We're haulin' ass!  
  
Mace stops laughing at his bad joke.  
  
Mace: No, really, have any of you found the head yet?  
  
Obi: Well…  
  
Erin: Uh…  
  
Boba: Hmmm…  
  
Hunni: *Twiddles thumbs and whistles*  
  
Anakin: I can sew.  
  
Obi: OH MY GOD!  
  
Everyone 'cept Obi: What?  
  
Heroines: Is it the head?  
  
Anakin: *sees what Obi sees* OH MY GOD!  
  
Everyone else: Huh?  
  
Obi and Anni: IT'S…!  
  
Hunni: *squinting eyes* Hey! I know who that is! That's Count Dookie!  
  
Erin: *Nudges Hunni* It's Dooku.  
  
Hunni: Whatever. Hey Dookie! My man! Wussup?! *Sticks her hand up* Hit my High-Five Utensil!  
  
Dooku: What?  
  
Erin: Her High-Five Utensil. Don't u kno what that is?  
  
Dooku: Uh…is this something you freaks bought off an infomercial? Hey! I'm not supposed to be nice! Wait, forget I said that. Start over! *Walks around in a circle* I AM THE EVIL COUNT DOOKU! You will not escape me!  
  
Erin: Oh, Dooku, no one can say that like you do!  
  
Hunni: No one's going to.  
  
Suddenly the whole cast breaks into song.  
  
Cast: So exciting! The audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting! It will run for fifty years!  
  
Obi: So exciting!  
  
Cast: We'll make them laugh! We'll make them cry!  
  
Anakin: So delighting!  
  
Dooku: And in the end, pleeeeeeease can someone die? *Fingers his lightsaber*  
  
Everyone: *Shrugs* So exciting! The audience will stomp and cheer! So delighting! It will run for fifty years!  
  
Everyone stops.  
  
Erin: Wow…  
  
Hunni: Where did that come from.  
  
Anakin: Frank is living in my foot!  
  
Heroines: ?!  
  
Anakin:…and I know how to sew!  
  
Dooku: Enough with this lollygagging (Heh…luv that word!)!!! I have some Jedi to hurt!  
  
Hunni: WAIT! *grabs on to Dooku's leg*  
  
Dooku: What is it, you silly girl?  
  
Erin: Hey. He sounds like Snape in the deleted scene. Ha ha…  
  
Hunni: You still haven't hit my High-Five Utensil!  
  
Obi: What's that? I have a bad feeling about this, Master.  
  
Anakin: *Rolls eyes* He always does that…talking to the human marshmallow…His David Blane Wannabee Master… All Obi is is an embarrassment; I can't take him anywhere anymore!  
  
Qui-Gon: But I'm right here!  
  
Erin: Aren't you burnt?  
  
Qui-Gon: O yea. *Is all burnt*  
  
Everyone: Eewwww…  
  
Obi: Master? You ok? You need a band-aid?  
  
Qui-Gon: Yes, a band-aid would do nicely.  
  
*Obi tries to put a band-aide on Qui without looking at his yucky burnt self, but since Qui is a ghost, the bandaid kept falling through.*  
  
Erin: Just forget it…  
  
Qui's not supposed to be in the story…ever.  
  
Qui: Hey! You're supposed to pity me! MY BODY FRIKKIN BURNED!  
  
Yes, we can see that *tries not to puke*.  
  
Qui: *sniff* I can see I'm not wanted. *sniff* I'll go now…good bye *bursts into tears and leaves*  
  
Obi: MASTER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hunni: You'll get over it.  
  
Erin: *mutters* Boy was I a dumbass. *giggles*  
  
Dooku: *Clears throat* You still haven't told me about this High-Five Utensil…it sounds primitive…  
  
Hunni: Oh yea! The High-Five Utensil.  
  
Subtitles: Oh yea! My hand.  
  
Dooku: Oohhh…  
  
Hunni: So, can you hit it?  
  
Dooku: You mean…that's all you want? Not world suffering, the rule of the entire galaxy?  
  
Hunni: I'm only a teenager! Maybe next year *shrugs*.  
  
Erin: Why's Boba so quiet?  
  
Boba is lying on the ground wrapped in toilet paper and duct taped to the ground.  
  
Anakin: *smirks*  
  
Hunni: So, will ya hit it?  
  
Dooku: Sure, why not!  
  
The two hit each other's High-Five Utensils.  
  
Hunni: YEA man!  
  
Dooku: Ok! Boo-Boo time!  
  
Erin: OH MY GOD! BOO-BOO TIME!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!  
  
Anakin: Boob-oo time?  
  
Obi: You have much to learn, my young apprentice.  
  
Hunni gags at the cheesy dialogue.  
  
Dooku pulls out a Pokemon ball.  
  
Dooku: Go, Pikachu!  
  
Pikachu jumps out, shocks Anakin and then runs away.  
  
Anakin: Faints.  
  
Obi: Blast. This is why I hate flying!  
  
Erin: Yo, man…you're skipping WAY ahead in the script. We're about fifty pages behind that.  
  
Obi: Whups. *says the right line* NO, Anakin, No!  
  
Anakin: Now that was a delayed re-action. Maybe you could have said something BEFORE I just got shocked. OUCH! *unconscious*  
  
Dooku jumps at Obi and scratches him just a bazillimeter deep, so there's only a TINY drop of blood, and Obi falls. Then Dooku chops off Anakin's left arm.  
  
Dooku: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I AM THE EVIL COUNT DOOKU! You will not esca-  
  
Erin: Oh, please don't start that again.  
  
Boba: *muffled by the toilet paper* All you need is love!  
  
Dooku: You're right! I could think of a million reasons why I chopped off Anakin's arm. Of course they'll all be lies. I guess it's because I'm a bad person. But not anymore. I'm going straight! Choosing life! Choose the job, the compact disks, DIY, the junk food, the game shows…  
  
*BANG!*  
  
Dooku gets shot and dies.  
  
The Duke is standing behind Dooku holding a gun.  
  
Then Mace conveniently appears and kills The Duke.  
  
Satine and Christian: YAY!  
  
Heroines: YAY!  
  
Satine and Christian: *disappear*  
  
Mace: Well, since Anakin just lost his-  
  
Anakin: OH MY GOD! (Hunni: He's starting to sound like you, Erin) MY HIGH- FIVE UTENSIL IS…IS…GONE!!!*NSYNC sings backup*  
  
Mace and Obi kill NSYNC.  
  
Anakin: *Emotionally distressed* HOW_COULD_THIS_HAVE_HAPPENED?!?!  
  
Erin: *Slaps Anni* Cause Dooku chopped it off!  
  
Obi: *Takes the heroines aside* He'll be alright, right?  
  
Erin: Well sure, if he's careful…yea I guess…  
  
Obi: So…it'll just grow back, right? How long will it take?  
  
Hunni: Well…ummm…I hate to be the one to tell you, but…it won't grow back.  
  
Erin: *Cheerfully* Not unless we find his arm!  
  
Obi: Well, his arm just sort of…fell *looks back at Anakin. The arm is gone*…Nevermind. The arm's gone.  
  
Mace: That's what I was trying to tell you. Now as well as Jango's head, you'll also have to find Anakin's High-Five Utensil.  
  
Anakin: *Yelling* OY! What are you saying about me?!  
  
Everyone: *Fake cheesy smiles*  
  
Mace: You'll just have to search for it.  
  
Erin: You mean along with the head?  
  
Mace nods.  
  
Anakin: I heard that! *sniff* my poor arm…  
  
Erin: Well then, let's split up!  
  
Obi: No way you're leaving me with him! *nods to Anakin* He's always cranky when he gets hurt.  
  
Erin:…oookay then we'll go together.  
  
So they set off to find the head and the arm. (Anakin: And it went wherever *sniff* I did go…*cries*)  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I gots no time so screw the questions. Thanx for the reviewz! 


	3. Munear-the-Cheese and Spice Attacks

Fic Wars, Parody I (The Phantom Narrator)  
  
Chapter 3 - Munear-the-Cheese and Spice Attacks  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
So our heroines find themselves wandering around aimlessly, accept they were looking for Jango's head and Anni's arm. Well, maybe finding all the limbs is what they were aiming for, but I'm just reading the script.  
  
Erin: *yawn* You never stick to the script any other time. Why choose now, of all times, to follow it?  
  
Azkaban.  
  
Erin: Azkaban?  
  
Azkaban.  
  
Alli: Azkaban?  
  
Yes! Azkab-  
  
Alli: I kno! That's my favorite book!  
  
Really? I prefer the second.  
  
Alli: The second? Eewwww.  
  
Erin: *Yawn* I think I'm falling asleep.  
  
Alli: You do that all the time at sleepovers *rolls eyes*.  
  
Erin: Well I can't help it! It's just when I'm sitting on a comfy couch watching a good movie I just can't help but doze off.  
  
Alli: Then next sleepover we have we'll watch 'Serpent's Kiss' while doing jumping Jacks. That might just keep you up.  
  
Erin: Well, we could see 'I Am Sam'  
  
Alli: ME TOO!  
  
Erin: You are so weird.  
  
Serpents Kiss? You actually saw that movie? Eewwww.  
  
Erin: Yea, it sucked.but Ewan was in it so that was good.  
  
Alli: But he wore a wig and that's icky poo.  
  
Everyone: *nods* Icky-Poo Serpent's Kiss!  
  
But suddenly, something amazing happened, but not to our heroines. It happened to the not-so-heroic Boba, Obi-Wan and Anni.  
  
Anni: *crying* Oh armie armie armie arm.that went wherever I did go UP UNTIL THAT MOTHERFUCKING DOOKIE CHOPPED IT OFF LIKE CHEESE! *sniff*  
  
Obi-Wan: Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin. *goes into this whole big speech*  
  
Anakin: *Mouthing wordlessly, mocking hot little Obi*  
  
But suddenly, a sexy dude wearing ugly clothes and A WIG wanders in.  
  
Wig-Wearer: *In a messed up accent* Hello. My name is Munear Chrome. I'm a gardener.  
  
Boba: Munear? You mean the cheese?  
  
Munear: NO! I get that all the time! I am NOT Munear-the-Cheese. I am Munear-the-Gardener!  
  
Boba: Do you like cheese?  
  
Munear: No! Let me finish-  
  
Boba: Not even a little?  
  
Munear: NO!  
  
Boba: Not even at all?  
  
Munear: NO! *Sticks a knife up Boba's nose*  
  
Boba: *Brain falls out thru nostril* *Dies*  
  
Munear: Why are you all in my garden?  
  
Obi: You're not Dutch! You're British!  
  
Ani and Munear: How'd you guess?  
  
Obi: Well.isn't it obvious? I'm kinda.you, ya kno?  
  
Ani: *Shrugs*  
  
Munear: Why are you in my garden?  
  
Obi: This is a garden? I thought it was just a bunch of rocks and a fountain-that-turns-you-green-and-icky. *Shrug*  
  
Anakin: We were looking for my arm. It came from-  
  
Munear: THE BERMUDAS!!!  
  
Anakin: .no.It actually came from my left elbow..see that big space beneath my elbow? That's where it's supposed to be.  
  
Munear: Are you sure it's not from the Bermudas? All my friends died there.  
  
Anakin: YES! I'm sure! You're a really weird type of cheese.  
  
And then, the heroines, heroes and the boring cheese-in-a-wig were all magically whisked away into the clutches of the Spice Girls!  
  
Everyone: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Spice Girls: Ha ha! We caught you! And now you have to suffer!  
  
Alli: *trembling* How?  
  
Anakin: Haven't I suffered enough? *Holds up not-arm* My arm's off!  
  
Spice Girls: No it isn't!  
  
Anakin: Yes it is!  
  
Spice Girls: Tis but a scratch!  
  
Obi: *mutters* A pretty big scratch if you ask me.  
  
Qui-Gon: At least you're not BURNT!  
  
Darth Maul: *Wheels in on a wheelchair* You're lucky. I got chopped in fucking half!  
  
Qui-Gon: Piss off. *wanders off to haunt Yoda*  
  
Darth Maul: *Noticing Obi* Hey! You're the jackass that chopped me in half! I'll get you. RAWR!  
  
Darth Maul, in an attempt to kill Obi-Wan, pushes himself off his wheelchair and falls towards Obi, but instead he falls THROUGH him, since he's a ghost, and lands on the ground, the wheelchair having fallen some yards away.  
  
Darth Maul: Ah, fuck! Help! Help me, you shcmucks!  
  
Everyone casually whistles and pretends not to notice the half-of-a-ghost lying on the ground.  
  
Spice Girls: Oh yea, about the suffering.we have to give you all Spice names to make you an official Spice Girl.  
  
Munear: *girly scream*  
  
Erin: No! Anything but that! Please, don't!  
  
Spice Girls: No.well, let's make a deal. We make you Spice Girls and we tell you where the mirror of Ttef Ognaj is.  
  
Alli: Deal.  
  
Erin: ALLI!  
  
Alli: Wha-at?  
  
Erin: I don't wanna be a Spice Girl!  
  
Alli: Me neither, but I have a plan.I just can't tell you what it is yet.  
  
Spice Girls: Ok, like we, like, have your Spice, like, Girls names all, like, chosen.  
  
Everyone: *groans*  
  
Spice Girls: *Post the list of names*  
  
The List Obi-Wan: Ugly Beard but Hot Underneath Spice Who Hates Flying Anakin: Armless Asthmatic Spice Boba: Ugly Ass Spice Alli: Diva Spice Erin: Sleepy Book Spice Munear: Spicy Cheese Narrator: Spice Who Doesn't Stick to the Script  
  
Alli: I feel so damn.preppy *shivers*.  
  
Erin: Mine's not THAT bad.  
  
Munear: Spicy Cheese? *Runs away crying*  
  
Obi: I really am hot, aren't I?  
  
Spice Girls: YES! *Like, ambush*  
  
Obi: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Anakin: *That sick little laugh that Alli can do SO well* (Sorta sounds like Nnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyihhhihihihih.) *stops* I do NOT have asthma!  
  
Since when am I in this story?  
  
Erin: Since now, I guess.  
  
Spice Girls: Ok. A deal's a deal. The mirror of Ttef Ognaj is in the Elephant Red Room at the Moulin Rouge.  
  
Anakin: Really?  
  
Spice Girls: JK! LOL! HA HA! HO HO! ROTFLMAO! LOL! JK! Actually the mirror is currently in the possession of Mister Frodo Baggins.  
  
Munear: I guess we'll have to go there.  
  
Spice Girls: Nope! Cause now you'll have to perform with us forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.  
  
*Cut to inside Erin's mind*  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  
  
*And back to real life*  
  
Spice Girls: .and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.  
  
Erin: Good plan, Alli.  
  
Alli: Hold on! Give it time!  
  
Anakin: We've had a lot of time! My arm is all alone somewhere.out there, and it needs me! I need it!  
  
Munear: *Talking like a Dutch* And I need to garden because it is what I do and-  
  
Erin: *Smacks Munear on the head* Stop pretending to be Dutch! We know your British! Go be angry and naked in a forest or something.fall in love with crazy people.I dunno.  
  
Munear: Hey, that sounds like a pretty good idea, but I think I'll stay, seeing that I'm a prisoner too.  
  
Obi-Wan: *Meditating* *Can't hear anyone*  
  
Anakin: *Meditating* *Stops* Oh my god! It's so hard to meditate.even harder WITHOUT MY ARM!  
  
Boba: Oooooo.Anni's in trouble!  
  
Alli: *kicks Boba out of the way* What's Obi gonna do when he finds out you're not meditating?  
  
Anakin: *Frowns* He's gonna make me meditate some more. *Shrugs* But we have more important things to do! Let's go save my arm!  
  
Boba (who is kicked away): And my daddy's ugly-ass head!  
  
Erin: No, no, no, Boba, you've got it all wrong. YOUR head is the ugly one. Your dad's is just a little old.and scary.and.well, ok they're both ugly ass, or maybe you're ugly ass and he's ugly butt.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Will they ever escape the Spice Girls? Probably, cause it'd be a pretty lousy fic ending if they didn't. Tune in next time. Same Bat time. Same Bat channel! *Batman theme-song plays* 


End file.
